The Blame Game is a game we all play far too well and much too often. We’ve become so good at it because we’ve played it most of our lives. We blame those around us, family, spouses, friends, co-workers, our employers, our children, our parents and just about anyone and everyone for why our lives aren’t going the way we want them to or think they should.
There’s a reason, a root, to why we feel that everything that’s wrong in our lives is someone else’s fault.
We base our self-worth on the total sum of our performance and others’ opinions about us. When that sum doesn’t add up, in place of taking responsibility for our part, we place the blame on those around us; it’s their fault.
We may not even realize it but if we’re honest with ourselves and look deep down, we’ll find the thought pattern that those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. That sounds pretty harsh and absolute, however, if we’re able to look at it objectively (which it is difficult to be objective when we’re deep in the Blame Game) we’ll find it to be true.
The Consequence for ourselves of playing: The Fear of Punishment
Recognize the signs:
- Always believing that someone, other than you, is wrong or at fault
- Mostly dwelling in the past and rarely thinking about the future
- Do not believe that you can improve anything in your life yourself – someone else is preventing your success
- Never apologizing – you’ve not ever done anything to apologize for
- Often call your circumstances “unfair” – you’re a victim of your situation
- Tend to feel sorry for yourself
Symptoms of playing the Blame Game:
- Withdrawal from risks
- Difficulty with responsibility and/or commitments
- Problems dealing with authority
- Obsessive behavior centered on perfectionism
- Punishing or blaming self or others: the scapegoat phenomena
- Black and white thinking
- Chemical dependency or Addictive disorders
Recognize that these behavior patterns lead to failure and misery. If you always blame others for your circumstances, you will never be able to take control over your life.
Deep down, one of the biggest beliefs here is “I’m not good enough”.
So – How do you deal with the hurt without putting yourself in bondage?
How? Through the power of personal choice. We can choose how we respond to life’s situations. We can choose to be a victim or a victor. By controlling our responses, by controlling our thoughts, we ultimately change the outcome of our circumstances.
No longer will we be held in bondage through fear when we remember past painful events. No longer will we allow someone else’s words or actions dictate how we feel or see ourselves and our self-worth. No longer will we allow our circumstances to charter the direction of our lives.
Life happens and sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug. However, through our choice to NOT play the Blame Game, we have the power to direct our path. We have the power to choose our fate.
– Rebecca Massey